How to view asking for help with daily activities or personal care as a way to gain independence.
It’s official: Asking for help is hard.
It’s even harder to ask for help so you can save energy to do the things you like to do, rather the day-to-day activities you think you should do, such as cooking and cleaning.
Why the Reluctance?
The New York Times article “Why Is Asking for Help So Difficult?” quotes Garret Keizer, author of Help: The Original Human Dilemma, on the general aversion people have in asking for help: “There is a tendency to act as if it’s a deficiency.”
The perceived risk, the article states, of “appearing weak, needy, or incompetent” tramples that desire to pop the question “Can you help me?”
Mr. Keizer adds that in asking for help, many fear someone else will take over a situation, forcing the person who asked for help to relinquish all control.
Where’s the Independence in Asking for Help?
Asking for help, actually, allows you to do more while staying in control of your day-to-day activities. You see, you can direct how that help is given and be flexible to accommodate other people’s schedules.
If you think you want or need help with day-to-day activities, such as cooking, cleaning, or running errands, or with personal care, such as bathing, but feel a strong reluctance to ask for it, consider the following scenarios of asking for help.
Your spouse or family member is confined to a wheelchair and you provide around-the-clock care.
There are many things you’d like to do, but are unable to because of your spouse’s or family member’s needs.
Asking a trusted caregiver (a friend or family member, or an in-home care agency) to help care for your spouse or family member for two or three hours a day allows you to go out and do something for yourself. Those new experiences breathe new life not only into your own but into the relationship with whom you’re caring for.
You live at home alone, and don’t drive.
Your family members call and visit often, but you really don’t get out much. Running errands and filling a week with plans to get out and about was always fulfilling, even if it was just for an hour or two a day.
Envision once more running those errands and filling that week with plans. Asking a trusted caregiver to transport you to and from places allows you to go where you want, and often when you want to.
Your spouse passed away and you’ve been grieving for a long time.
It is hard to get going in the morning, and you can’t shake the growing loneliness. It might be nice to have some company, but in a way it seems useless because you’re so overwhelmed with grief.
Often just the presence of another person around you provides peace and comfort. Words don’t even need to be exchanged. Maybe over time conversations ensue, but asking a trusted caregiver for quiet companionship might offer the kind of human interaction you want and need.
Keep in mind that people generally like to help others. Think of the joy you experience in helping out a loved one. In asking for help you open the door to new experiences—often a source of new energy and feelings of well-being.
Loyal Care is a non-medical, in-home provider of private duty care located in Kalispell, MT. We serve individuals, including Medicaid-eligible and Veterans, who need short-term, long-term, or long-distance home-based care.
For information about our home-based services, please visit www.loyalcaremt.com.
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